Wheeeeew, what a weekend! Got off work on Friday, and immediately set about the difficult (but obligatory) task of discovering how many alcoholic beverages I could consume in a 45-minute period. That was really the last thing I remember. I know there were grilled meat items involved at some point, and several silent films - there might have been some spontaneous cross-stitching and the crashing of a junior-league t-ball game, but I can't confirm.

The point is, I woke up this morning in this condition:



Yes, the Long Weekend rudely stole almost all of my clothes, hacked into me with various blunt instruments (some of which are not, technically, appropriate for "hacking into" activities), and worst of all, Long Weekend then scribbled some illegible and incoherent German super-script above my head. Well played, Long Weekend, well played. This round goes to you.

But I'll see you in July, and then we'll settle the score.

The long weekend is over (at least, for you - I'm pushing mine until my boss notices that I'm not there, and then I'll plead ignorance), which means that there is a new kind of clear AND present danger today: days of the week, masquerading as other days of the week.

Oh, sure, the calendar may say it's Tuesday today, but I'm not buying it. Take a closer look:



There, under the mask, an evil Monday lurks. Do not be fooled by the mask. It might look like Tuesday, but underneath its flashy red robe it carries deadlines missed, overdue hours needing to be logged, and weekly "sync-up" meetings which will be sprung like traps throughout the day today.

Be warned, and plan accordingly. Tuesday is indeed here, but as a grossly deformed, two-headed turtle. Yes, a turtle:



Please take every precaution and stay safe today. Wear garlic if you have to.

+++++++++++++++++++++

**UPDATE**

See?! This is exactly the sort of thing I was talking about! Would you people please be careful? This two-headed Monday/Tuesday thing ("thing", remember, equals either "two-headed turtle" or "guy in mask") is not messing around here. From Josh Fruhlinger (of the hilarious Comics Curmudgeon site), via Twitter:

"Monday holiday + Tuesday morning trash pickup = oops." (link)

This is not a game. How many more people must suffer?

Robert Langdon arrests Science and takes it away

Author Dan Brown wanted me to remind you again of the central message of Angels & Demons, which is that Science is Evil. Please don't ever, ever forget this. If you do, you may end up with an anti-matter bomb exploding right in your face. Secondary, but equally important, remember that the Illuminati is everywhere. Be highly suspicious of anyone who is overly interested in mathematics, astronomy, technology, ambigrams, or "symbology". Also try to avoid light.

Dan Brown thanks you.

* Opening credits rolling, already weeping @ the sheer beauty of the angelic AND demonic

* Science creates the anti-matter bomb, way more dangerous than the nuclear bomb. This just proves that science is evil.

* Illuminati = mathematicians, scientists, astronomers. So basically, nerds.

* Illuminati = scientists. Also Illuminati = murdering kidnappers, in this movie. So again, science is evil.

* So far, droplets of showing, boatloads of telling.

* Tom Hanks is doing a great job as Nicholas Cage, the Guy Who Solves All the Riddles Before the Audience Cares

* Seriously, these riddles need more time to capture audience interest, before being so quickly solved & discarded

* Do I really have to listen to a preachy speech on Science & Religion delivered by ... Ewan Mac?! Obi Wan?!

* Havent seen this much Cardinal ass-kicking since the 1985 world series.

* Guy 2 rows down has a Blackberry, which probably means he is Illuminati. Going 2 kill him just in case.

* Idiots. That's the FIRST place I would have looked for the bomb.

* A plot twist bound up in a loophole in an obscure Church document. Riveting.

* Oh, Movie. You want me to believe the Church is evil. But you already convinced me that Science is evil. Silly Movie.

* Ok. Good book, too hard to cram into film. Solid effort, though. 3 of 5 stars.

* Mandatory plug: go visit www.celebrationcinema.com

I'm going to see Angels & Demons. Against all better judgment, and in spite of the fact that they did not cast Monica Bellucci as Vittoria Vetra, I have to know how badly Ron Howard bastardized the book. I liked the book. It was a page-turner. But after what happened to Da Vinci, I'm understandably afraid.

Go to twitter.com/iquerydef for real-time review updates.