Title: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
MPAA: PG-13
Runtime: 159 minutes
Director: David Fincher

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is the story of two people, Benjamin and Daisy, who are headed in completely opposite directions - chronologically speaking. Daisy was born a normal baby girl, whose body gets older with each passing day until she eventually grows up to be Cate Blanchett, at which time she must give shelter and gifts to Frodo and his companions, and also try to steal the Crystal Skull from Indiana Jones; Benjamin, on the other hand, was born an old man, whose body gets younger with each passing day until he eventually turns into Brad Pitt, a transformation which causes him to be immediately struck by a car, killed, and possessed by the Grim Reaper until he falls in love with Claire Forlani. This, as best as I can tell, is Benjamin's "curious case", although it is quite possible that I am incorrect, and that the truly curious case to which the movie alludes is Brad Pitt's unsettling resemblance to Robert Redford - a resemblance which is conclusively demonstrated below:

Please keep in mind that this movie is not to be confused with the story of one man's bizarre habit of conducting post-reconnaissance on banks he has already robbed (i.e., The Curious Casings of Benjamin Button), or with the story of an interior designer who insists on installing hinged, swinging window sashes so that they always opened inward instead of outward (i.e., The Curious Casements of Benjamin Button).

Benjamin Button is the focal point of the story, of course, because it's his name that is in the movie's title, but as I said, the story is really about Benjamin and Daisy, and the ways in which their paths intersect throughout their lives. The movie begins, in fact, with Daisy on her death bed, helping to re-tell Benjamin's story through a series of journal entries and memories. In other words, the movie steps up right from the bell-clang and delivers a serious roundhouse kick of Somber right to the side of your head, followed by several left jabs of Poignant Sorrow to your nose - and it doesn't stop whaling away for nearly three hours. I think there are more death scenes in this movie than in the entirety of Quentin Tarantino's body of work.

This is part of the reason why I disliked this film. It was top-heavy with melancholy wistfulness, but without ever delivering anything of substance, so that the viewer ultimately walks away from the film with a rather empty feeling. On top of that, the nature of the plot - an old-young man who falls in love with child, hooks up with her when their counter-aging meets in the middle, and ends as a young-old man in love with an old woman - was just a wee bit creepy. Ann Hornaday of The Washington Post said in her review that "at its weakest 'Benjamin Button' hews too closely to [Forest] Gumpian schmaltz and easy sentiment", and she is correct. I will up the ante just slightly: Benjamin Button, with its "schmaltz" and uncomfortable creep-factor, is the love-child of Forest Gump and Harold and Maude.

On the plus side, the visual effects were pleasing; Brad Pitt does a very good job of playing a child stuck in an old man's body, keeping the childish mannerisms, facial expressions, and speech patterns very realistic; and the recurring "struck by lightning" gag (I will say no more) is good for a few laughs throughout the movie. However, the movie also loses points immediately for a) treating the audience to a gratuitous shot of Old Man Rump (which, for some reason, is expected to be immediately funny), and b) having a child blurt out the F-dash-dash-dash word (which is never funny, unless it is Samuel L. Jackson delivering the line).

I left the movie with several vaguely unsettling feelings. It was an entertaining film, in the same sense that watching a bearded midget woman with four legs juggle upside-down would be entertaining. Interesting, yes, but with just a bit too much Nightmare Kindling thrown in. And with the heavy undercurrent of unsubstantiated nostalgia running throughout the film, the end result was a feeling of resigned sadness (with a sprinkle of "ewww" on top).

If you do go to see the movie, make sure you have a Forest Gump chaser close at hand to help cleanse the palate.

+++++++++++

This review was made possible in part by the generosity of Celebration Cinemas in Grand Rapids, MI. Feel like taking in a movie tonight? Celebration has a broad selection of films, stadium-style seating, a clean environment, and best of all, they never show commercials after the advertised showtime. Visit Celebration Cinemas online.

Title: Nothing Like the Holidays
MPAA: PG-13
Runtime: 140 minutes
Director: Alfredo De Villa

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Pour yourself a stiff egg-nog and Cuervo, because we're going to spend Christmas with the Rodriguez clan. This Puerto Rican family living in Chicago's west side has enough dysfunction to make sure everyone gets a healthy serving, and by the time the last character has vented his or her Hispanic spleen, you and I will be trading out the egg-nog for harder stuff. This movie backs up the truck and unloads crate after crate of Awkward, whole skids of Uncomfortable, and a few 50-gallon drums of High-Strung Agitation. And that's just the first half of the film.

This family has it all: a shell-shocked younger brother just back from the war, mainlining high-octane Survivor's Remorse; a drifting and rootless sister struggling to break into a film career; an "ethnically intense" meddling mother whose mission appears to be racial stereotype preservation; and a Bodega-owning father who just wants to see his family together, and to pass on his family business to one of his sons.

Unfortunately, the free-for-all engagement of the various family disputes, and the outing of numerous historical skeletons hitherto safely hidden in their proper closets, is so terrifyingly realistic and palpable that the average viewer will probably feel like he is intruding on what should be private conversations. To put it succinctly: you will want to work up a few fake coughs, check your watch, make some kind of polite excuse, and gracefully take your leave of the movie. Unless, of course, you are the kind of morbid and sadistic viewer whose idea of a good time is watching people work through their dysfunctions in a holiday setting; in which case, grab another bag of lightly salted Self-Abuse and strap yourself in. You'll be here a while.

A few things that I learned from this movie:

- It is, in fact, quite possible to make Luiz Guzman (Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love) even more irritating than he normally is. Simply cast him as a gay character, add a lisp to his already barely-comprehensible line delivery, and augment his super-charged Latino flamboyance with an even more gaudy homosexual style

- John Leguizamo (Moulin Rouge, The Take, The Happening) still has an incredibly abundant face, and he isn't afraid to point it at you without remorse

- Alfred Molina (Spiderman 2, The Da Vinci Code) should never, ever be allowed to appear on screen in his underwear

- The same goes for Mr. Leguizamo

In the end, the Rodriguez family manages to work everything out, but they do in a fashion about as predictable and stale as ... (note to self: think up a clever analogy with which to end this review).

+++++++++++

This review was made possible in part by the generosity of Celebration Cinemas in Grand Rapids, MI. Feel like taking in a movie tonight? Celebration has a broad selection of films, stadium-style seating, a clean environment, and best of all, they never show commercials after the advertised showtime. Visit Celebration Cinemas online.