I have done a fair bit of traveling in my day ("my day", by the way, is Thursday - make a note of it). As someone who strives at all times to be a courteous and conscientious driver, I always make an attempt to be very aware of my surroundings. I believe it is part of practicing safety on the road to be aware of things: I watch the speed limit signs, I notice the mile markers, I read billboards, I try to make words out of the letters on license plates, I give my fullest attention to the person on the other end of my phone call, I hone in on that song on the radio (I'm pretty sure they used this song in that one movie (gosh, what movie was that, with the one guy, sort of old-looking but very familiar (he was in that other movie that was popular a few years ago, with George Clooney, I think (I'm pretty sure I'm thinking of Batman, one of the newer ones, not the classic (did Tim Burton direct all of those films, or just the first two that starred Michael Keaton (why the heck is Tim Burton so ve--WHOA, WAS THAT A RED LIGHT?!

A moment, please, while I clean up those orphaned parenthesisesess: )))))). There. Thank you.

As I was saying, I notice things while I'm driving, and among the many things I notice are those wonderfully random items that sometimes end up on the side of the road. How do they get there? Who put them there? And why? Probably it fell off the back of a truck, as in the case of that chunk of cork-board, or that large metal casing; or perhaps it was thrown out a window, in the case of that empty 44 oz. Taco Bell cup, or that slightly worn Spin Doctors CD.

Other items are not so easy to explain. Who put that old dusty couch on the side of the highway, for the love of Pete? Why in the name of Sam Scratch is there a discarded bookshelf and television set just past the exit ramp?

Well, to be perfectly honest, these questions don't keep me up at night. Instead, they provoke a sense of longing - a longing to see other inexplicable and curious things on the side of the road. I don't just mean random objects; I mean truly interesting road-side arrangements, of the sort that cry out for some kind of back-story. Here are just a few examples of the kinds of things I'd like to see:

- A dead raccoon, clutching Boardwalk in one hand, and Baltic Avenue in the other

- A scattering of electric toothbrushes, surrounding one half-eaten bucket of popcorn chicken from KFC

- A toilet, with a folded newspaper beside it (even better if the newspaper is open to either the obituaries, or the used RV sales section)

- A crumpled tuxedo with a pair of bowling shoes on top

- A television and VCR combo, plugged into a running generator, in the process of recording an episode of "Car Talk"

Seeing any one of those things would make my day. So enigmatic, so intriguing, so rich with meaning, if only someone would take the time t--YIKES YIKES YIKES THAT WAS DEFINITELY A RED LIGHT THAT TIME!