Burger King (aka Hungry Jacks) has unleashed a new horror upon the world:



And you just know they are deadly serious about the levels of all-out rage contained in each and every furious bite of this new burger, because the voice-work was done by a man earnestly impersonating an Australian accent, and Australians are known the world over for their fierce tempers. Just take Arnold Schwarzengger, who angrily said, "Hasta la vista, baby!", and then blew stuff up! Don't try to tell me that Australians aren't a mean bunch! (Note: I just realized, when correcting today's cross-word puzzle, that Arnold Schwarzengger is Austrian, not Australian, which explains why the rest of this puzzle wasn't coming together - but I think I've made my point, regardless)

So I went to Taco Bell first, because of their high level of commitment to making absolutely, positively sure that, come hell or high water, they will screw up my order. Feeling sufficiently angry, I was ready to come face-to-face with the Angry Whopper. I won't lie to you: I told the helpful (in the sense of "breathing") BK associate to go ahead and make it a double Angry Whopper. I guess I was feeling cocky. I assume, then, that my burger was taken into a back room and subjected to several minutes of merciless provocation and "Your Mom"-based harassment, in order to make it doubly angry, because I didn't actually get my combo meal in hand until some 15 minutes later.

But when I finally bit into that tormented, enraged clump of reheated meat, bread, condiments, etc., everything came to a head. Yes, there were some heated words exchanged, and I know I said some things I didn't mean, but after we'd both had a chance to cool down a bit, Angry Whopper and I were able to work things out and just agree to disagree. We still aren't best buddies or anything like that, and I'm probably going to "forget" to call Angry Whopper the next time I'm going to hang out with a group of friends, but I think we've at least reached a level of understanding where we can bump into each other at choir practice and still say "hi" from across the room - and really mean it.

The lesson? Try to make sure your next combo meal is free of acrimony. Praemonitus praemunitus.